Hello, I'm Mrs Chanandler Bong and welcome to Reviewing the Charts.
REVIEWING THE CHARTS
It's the momentz we relive / It's the moments like this
At the moment, I don't feel like I can do a proper lyrical analysis of what's new and trending, either because I don't feel entitled to analyse it due to my lack of knowledge about the topic like "Praying" or "The Story of OJ".
Light n****, dark n****, faux n****, real n****
Or because it's not interesting lyrically, musically or I just can't get much jokes out of it.
So I decided, fuck it, let's review the UK Top 10. I'll be talking about the new arrivals every single week but for now I guess I'll just have to review all 10.
10: "Power" by Little Mix featuring Stormzy
This song's just a bit weird. Little Mix is a decent band I suppose, they all can sing but I only think two or three of them can handle this weird electro-funk-R&B-pop-rock beat which blends genres into a percussion-heavy mess. It's a generic sexual dominance anthem until the rap part?
Oh, I'm a machine when I do it
This isn't Stormzy. This is a two-line - yep, ONE BAR, - rapping section from Little Mix vocalist Jesse. I don't get why this happened and why it had to exist.
But otherwise, pretty generic. Stormzy isn't anything to talk about either.
9: "Pretty Girl (Cheat Codes x Cade Remix)" by Maggie Lindemann
I'm not just a pretty girl
Well, yeah, you are just a pretty girl. Lyrics are generic SJW nonsense talking about shit that doesn't exist.
Fuck your ribbons and your pearls
Oh, guys, you can't give gifts to women anymore. It's offensive.
There's also the perspective that it's about a guy neglecting her. In that case it's just shit dance music.
8: "Your Song" by Rita Ora
7: "Strip that Down" by Liam Payne featuring Quavo
This is just painful. Cheesy lyrics, some put there just to rile people up and create false drama:
I used to be in ID (now I'm out free)
I'm surprised it worked. It's not even dissing One Direction. Also, with a generic and forgettable rap verse from Quavo and outdated and cringy late '00s instrumentation, this is one of the worst songs of the year so far.
6: "Came Here for Love" by Sigala and Ella Eyre
[yawns] I like Ella's voice I guess.
5: "Mama" by Jonas Blue featuring William Singe
This is kind of a strange song. It's a dance song which is supposed to be about William's mother not worrying about him going out. It's kind of a strange and reverse to the often-tired rebellious nature of club songs. But hey, this is kind of interesting and has a funky post-disco vibe to it so you know, I think this is a good song to relax to. It's a fun little song I'd willingly listen to.
4: "Feels" by Calvin Harris featuring Pharrell, Katy Perry and Big Sean
Remember how I said I liked post-disco? This does it perfectly with an almost tropical-sounding retro 80's vibe and instrumentation, backed up by soulful (albeit sometimes strange and cheesy) lyrics from Pharrell. In fact, if this was an 80's song I wouldn't mind. It'd fit in. The cheesy lyrics are perfect and used to replicate 80's.
Do you mind if I steal a kiss? (Chop, chop!)
"Chop, chop!" as in "hurry, I want a kiss"? He didn't mention anything about hurrying to get the kiss so the more likely option is that he... wants to chop off this girl's tounge? I dunno.
Katy Perry has a very monotone and boring hook - I wish Pharrell carried this hook honestly.
Whoa... / Goddamn, I know you love to make an entrace
And so did Big Sean apparently with a surprisingly good rap about cutting off all his exes because he doesn't want to settle in a relationship and he admits this.
And honestly I'm way too dumb with the hoes
So yeah, I love this song. I think it's a good song and definitely the best one in the Top 10.
3: "Unforgettable" by French Montana featuring Swae Lee
2: "Wild Thoughts" by DJ Khaled featuring Rihanna and Bryson Tiller